The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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