I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
