Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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