angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
