What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
