I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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