Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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