he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
