haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
