Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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