Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
