Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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