What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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