my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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