why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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