So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
