my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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