Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he shaved USA in his pubs
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.