i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!