I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...