hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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