It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
