she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
