Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
