I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
