my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
