that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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