let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
