Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
