i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
