doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
