nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
