check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
