My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's get the cat blown out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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