I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
