I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
