apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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