so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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