He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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