also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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