Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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