toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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