This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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