I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
