Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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