Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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