And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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