Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
