so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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