i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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