I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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