i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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