meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
