I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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