ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
