I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
