for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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