And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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