I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
