why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
