I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
