you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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