She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
