1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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