Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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