i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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