I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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