WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
