That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
