I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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